Disclaimer: We don’t advocate stealing of any kind. It’s wrong and immoral, and anyone who commits such a heinous act should be punished.
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Unless, of course, your body has just been through total war, you’re about to be sent home with a teeny tiny human whose entire existence depends solely on you, and you’re going to be paying for the experience until your baby is old enough to have babies of his own. Then, by all means, steal away! No, but seriously: Hospital maternity wards are well-stocked with things you’ll need that you couldn’t possibly know you’ll need till you’re home and wishing you’d grabbed them. And while it may be wrong to take what isn’t yours, when that bill arrives in your mailbox, we’re pretty sure you’re not going to feel quite so bad about the contraband you smuggled into your duffle bag.
So go ahead, help yourself to a few necessities. To make you feel better, we’ve compiled a list of the most important things to take. You can leave everything else behind along with your guilt. You’ll have enough of that once you’re a mom… no need to pile on.
Here are the top 10 things you should steal from the hospital after giving birth:
1. Diapers & Wipes
There is no bigger expense and no bigger source of aggravation during the first year of parenthood as diapers and wipes. Save yourself a few midnight runs to the store, and stuff you bag with all the diapers and wipes you can find.
2. Mesh Underwear & Pads
Ahhh, the most glamorous thing in your pile of loot. These things will make your maternity granny panties seem scandalous. But trust us: You’ll want them. They are all you will want to live in for weeks after delivery. I had a C-section, so I assumed I wouldn’t have to deal with the bleeding my friends had warned me about. Not the case. And while I’m eternally grateful to my doctors for making an incision so low on my stomach, you would never spot it even if I could ever shove myself back in my pre-pregnancy bikini bottoms (hahaha, sometimes I make jokes…), that sh*t hurts for quite a while. And since regular underwear hits exactly at the incision line, I was grateful to have these monstrosities to wear until it healed. So whether you have a typical delivery or not, you’re going to want to grab as many of these things as possible.
3. The “Booger Bulb”
More formally referred to as a nasal aspirator, this is the bulb-like syringe thing the nurses will use to remove excess boogers from your baby’s congested nose. It’s kind of gross. But it’s not nearly as gross as those snot suckers, which literally use a straw-like tube and your mouth to get rid of the boogers. We’d have to assume this is something the hospital tosses after you leave the hospital so you might as well take it. Your baby–and your mouth–will be glad you did.
4. Baby Blankets & Swaddles
You know how when you go to a nice hotel, the comforter is always so soft and fluffy, you can’t help but sleep well? Think of the hospital blankets and swaddles as the equivalent for your baby. And since sleep is about to become a commodity, why not give yourself any advantage you can? Steal those suckers and don’t look back.
5. Lanolin Packets
If you’re breastfeeding or pumping, loading up on nipple cream is a non-starter. Pre-baby, I always kind of assumed that since I’ve got boobs and my baby will have a mouth, we’ll be all good on the nursing front. Not exactly. Breastfeeding is kind of like a fine art–one that can require a lot of painful practice. And as your baby learns to latch and then to suck, your nipples can take quite a beating. Lanolin, which is a waxy substance kind of like Vaseline, can bring a lot of relief, and you don’t need to worry about washing it off before breastfeeding your baby.One thing to note though, lanolin is not always cruelty-free. I didn’t know this till I’d already used it. So when I got home, I did some research on cruelty-free equivalents to replace it. Unrefined coconut oil is a great alternative, since it provides a deep moisture and is absorbed rapidly. You don’t need to wash it off prior to nursing. Just be sure to avoid refined, purified and liquid forms. Matraea is a brand that makes plant-based, lanolin-free soothing balms that also work great and can be left on when nursing. And finally, hind milk, which is the milk you produce at the end of every feeding, can be rubbed on sore skin after nursing. It has actually been shown to be just as effective as lanolin for nipple pain.
6. Ice Packs, Numbing Spray & Peri Bottle
Fun fact: Pushing out a baby can take a serious toll down below. Having had a C section, I’m lucky enough not to know just how much. But from what friends have shared, Here’s what I’ve learned: Whether or not you tear, there will be pain. Do yourself a favor and stock up on anything that will help relieve that pain. Because when you’re home with a screaming infant, your instinct will be to prioritize your little ones’ needs over yours, which means you won’t take the time to run to the store to grab these essentials.
7. Small Tub & Baby Shampoo/Body Wash
Until your little one’s umbilical stump falls off, you’ll be giving him or her sponge baths. A nurse showed us how to do this while we were in the hospital using a scent-free wash and a small plastic tub. Knowing the wash was just going to get tossed, she offered it to us to take home.
But that tub served it’s purpose so well, we decided to take it home with us, too. This was a really good idea because Ben’s umbilical stump didn’t fall off for a good two and a half weeks, so we left the big boy tub in its box for a bit longer than we’d anticipated. Now the plastic tub sits in his closet holding all of his washes and lotions.
8. Nursing Pads
It’s just a fact: Whether you breastfeed or not, you may experience leakage. After giving birth, your boobs suddenly develop a mind of their own. And there’s nothing worse after going through the most monumental thing you could go through than having to look down and see two boob-shaped wet marks on your hospital gown as you show off your baby to your visitors. Oh wait, there is something worse: Being several months postpartum, potentially back at work, and looking down to see the same two wet marks. Take the nursing pads. They provide an extra layer of protection you might need immediately or down the road.
9. Snacks
Hopefully, family and friends will step up for you and make all kinds of heat-and-eat meals to keep you fed your first few weeks home with your baby. You’re not going to have time to breathe… let alone cook. But what your loved ones might forget to load you up with is snacks. And while hospitals aren’t exactly known for their exquisite menus, when it’s 3 a.m. and you’re rocking your restless baby to sleep, you’re going to miss those bags of crackers, pretzels and popcorn. If your hospital is like ours, mommas will get free meals and snacks delivered from the cafeteria. So any time we ordered anything, we doubled up on the non-perishable snacks. We walked out of that hospital looking like we’d gone grocery shopping.
10. Scripts
We included this one at the risk of sounding like total junkies. Of course you shouldn’t steal a prescription. But what you should absolutely do is take whatever scripts your doctor offers. I’m a big fan of holistic healing so I turned down my doctor’s offer for a pain meds prescription. I didn’t feel that awful leaving the hospital and figured I could tough it out. BIG mistake. Once I got home and the pain meds started wearing off, my body was happy to remind me that I had just undergone major abdominal surgery… and that stuff freaking hurts. Take the script. You don’t have to use it if you feel OK. But having it on hand is a good idea just in case. And if your doctor recommends stool softeners, consider keeping those on hand as well. Your body takes some time to recover from any kind of delivery, and your GI tract is no exception.
Bonus Tip: Steal All the Information You Can Get
Seriously, soak it up. In some ways, I was lucky to have had a C-section because it meant I got an extra two days in the hospital. In those two days, I made sure to see the Lactation Consultant as much as possible, and to ask the neonatologist every possible question–from the best way to swaddle to what the shots schedule looks like. And if two different nurses gave us conflicting advice, I made sure to ask for clarity. The minute they wheel you out of that maternity ward, you’re on your own. You might as well get as much information from the experts as you can.
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