Pregnancy isn’t easy. On top of the exhaustion and various and sometimes bizarre physical ailments (think back pain, boob pain—and don’t get me started on crotch lightning), there are also all kinds of weird hormonal things going on. Which means if you say the wrong thing to an expecting woman, you can expect to have your head bitten off—or your shirt covered in tears and snot.
Yet, there seems to be something about a pregnant woman that makes people lose their ability to censor themselves. Suddenly, unsolicited comments about a woman’s size and life decisions are back on the table.
Keep your head (and your shirt), by following this guide to the 10 things you should never, ever say to a pregnant lady:
1. “Wow, Are You Sure There Aren’t Twins in There?”
Let’s just get the most obvious one out of the way here. Never, under any circumstance, does a woman—pregnant or not—want to hear how huge she is. Ever. Yes, we know our bellies are big. And yes, we’re aware that that is supposed to happen. But when you get pregnant, a switch doesn’t suddenly go off in your head that programs you to want to be large and in charge. We’re still adjusting to our expanding waistline and fluid-filled body, so we don’t need you pointing it out to us.
2. “You Don’t Even Look Pregnant!”
This one is far less obvious. While you definitely mean it as a compliment, and many of us will take it that way, keep this in mind: Pregnancy is basically just a license to worry for nine months. And, for those who may have struggled to get pregnant, have had complications during this or a previous pregnancy, or have had the horrible misfortune of losing a baby, we spend a lot of time overanalyzing every symptom… and every comment. We wonder if we are doing things right—are we eating the right things, exercising the right amount and yes, gaining enough weight. So you pointing out how miniscule our bump may be might just be another cause for concern to add to the pile. Best to just tell us how great we look. We can’t worry about that!
3. “Should You Really Be Exercising?”
Listen: Between the fatigue and morning sickness of the first trimester and the heaviness and discomfort of the third, it’s pretty hard to do much more activity than climbing out of bed. Why make it harder by trying to dissuade us from what our doctors have assured us is not just OK, but is good for us and our babies? We’ve come a long way since the days where pregnant women were expected to lay in bed for nine months doing nothing but eating pickles and ice cream. The general rule, when it comes to exercising while pregnant, is that whatever you did prior to getting knocked up is OK to continue—as long as you stop if you experience any pain or strange symptoms. Exercise is great for keeping blood pressure at optimal levels, regulating all those crazy hormones, strengthening the muscles needed for labor, and ensuring we don’t gain too much weight too fast. Plus, it’s a great outlet for us to deal with all the stress that comes with bringing a new life into the world. So do us a favor, if you’re going to say anything about our activity level, congratulate us for peeling ourselves off the couch (or away from the toilet) to get out there and get moving.
4. “I Hope You’re Planning to Breastfeed.”
Yes, we know there are major benefits to doing it (how cool is it that a mother’s milk changes composition based upon the baby’s needs? High five, mother nature!). But breastfeeding is a very personal choice, and some women choose not to do it. Trying to push your opinions on us is less likely to suddenly change our minds, and more likely to send us into a crazy hormonal spiral. Best leave this one alone.
5. “Are You Planning on Coming Back to Work?”
This is another not-so-obvious one. You might just want to know if you’ll get to see one of your favorite coworker again. But what you might not know is that she and her partner may have spent endless hours debating this very question. Maybe she feels like leaving would be best for the baby, but doesn’t have the financial means to do so, making it a sensitive subject. Or maybe she and her partner have already decided that she will not be coming back, but are keeping it quiet till after her maternity leave. Either way, unless you’re close friends, it’s best to stay away from this question since it can feel like an intrusion on a personal issue.
6. “Well It’s About Time!”
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, judgy judgerson. This insinuation is offensive to the woman who decided to wait because of impending circumstances—family members who needed taking care of, the woman who wanted to pursue a graduate degree she knew she wouldn’t finish with a baby in her life, the woman with a demanding career she wanted to get off the ground, the woman whose husband wasn’t quite ready. But it’s particularly insulting to the woman who’s been trying to conceive for several heartbreaking years—but to no avail. Reminding her of the struggles she’s endured isn’t just uncalled for… it’s cruel. Better off keeping your mouth shut.
7. “Why Are You So Emotional?”
They’re called hormones. And they’re going insane. But best not to bring those up either because if you dare try to minimize our legitimate emotions by blaming them all on our raging hormones, you’re going to experience the real wrath of pregnancy.
8. “The More You Gain, the Harder it is to Lose…”
This one is right up there with telling us about your amazing friend/sister/cousin who “only gained 15 pounds her whole pregnancy!” We don’t want to hear it. Every time we go to the doctor (which feels constant), we have to step on that scale. Which means 1. We are well aware of how the weight just keeps on coming and 2. If we were at risk of piling on too much, the medical professionals who are actually qualified to make statements like this will do so.
9. “Say Goodbye to Your Social Life.”
Thanks for the words of wisdom, but in case you didn’t notice the bowling ball under our shirts, it’s a little late for us to change our minds. Besides, we know plenty of new parents that manage to still socialize. And come on now, everyone knows that baby birthday parties are where it’s at.
10. “Sorry, I polished off the last of the ice cream.”
This one requires no explanation. Just don’t do it… trust us.
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